Slow Down, Listen & Be Present

Last week I experienced one of the most impactful 5-minute conversations with a total stranger I think I have ever had.

A conversation that I hope I will always remember and the simple lesson I learned will forever stay with me, and if I am lucky – I will implement.

First, thank you to the gentlemen who engaged me, someone whom I don’t even know his name.

I decided to attempt the daunting task of getting the new REAL ID (driver’s license) in the state of Tennessee.

For anyone wanting to get this done, a word of advice – don’t be too millennial and have all your documents stored electronically on your phone, printed documents plus the real documents are necessary…sigh.

While I am waiting for my number to be called, I settled into a row in the back – two seats down a nice gentleman in what seemed to be worn clothes greeted me.

After a couple minutes he asked if the printout sitting in the seat between us was his or mine. I politely let him know that it belongs to him – so from now on I will refer to him as Q306, his number in line.

I noticed about 10 minutes later that Q306 was no longer sitting next to me, his number now lie on the floor and Q306 was getting close to being called.

Finally I hear Q306, and I think he must have been here for a while because we know there is nothing fast about the process – I look up and was able to spot him across the room and I decide to let him know it’s his turn.

As I watch Q306 walk to the counter, I feel a moment of satisfaction, like I somehow had done my good deed for the day and now I could mark this off my list of things to do today as the Enneagram #1 in me likes to do.

It’s now as I am not so humbly patting myself on the back, I see Q306 walking my way and he decides to sit down next to me.

He quietly starts engaging me in small conversation – I figure I am waiting in line and I will be called soon (after all he was only 3 in front of me), why not.

It’s during this small conversation I learn that Q306 lost his mother, that the loss was not only devastating for him emotionally but personally, his family lost her home and now Q306 is homeless.

He tells me that he has attempted to take his own life a couple times. While I am mostly at a loss for words, I maintain eye contact, nod my head and tell him how truly sorry I am for the loss and pain he has experienced.

He now notices my phone resting on my lap, and he says “don’t you think those things are a problem? No one talks to anyone anymore.” I say ‘yes, I agree. Sometimes that’s what happens.’

And now he makes the most powerful yet simple statement to me.

Q306 simply and genuinely says, “thank you for listening to me.” I heard this and knew it was deeper, Q306 meant ‘thank you for seeing me’, ‘thank you for acknowledging me as a human being, another person who has value.’

It was a reminder to me that isn’t this idea the common thread by all humans, no matter our status, our race, our ethnicity, our backgrounds, our experiences – at the end of the day, we want others to see us. To see us as valuable, as a person worthy of even just 5 minutes of someone else’s time and attention.

I have thought about Q306 every day since last week and about his simple but profound statement. I even had the chance to apply this principal again two days later when a Veteran walked into my office – lost – and I overhead him talking with Jennifer out front.

My normal response would have been to ignore the conversation because well I am too busy right? I don’t have time – there is too much to get done. I need to continue my client meeting prep, or call a client…and the list goes on.

Instead, I stopped and engaged him to help him find where he needed to go. Helping this man, took less than 5 minutes of my time.

Thank you Q306 for impacting my life – for reminding me of a lesson that I think we all too often forget in a world that wants to know how much you have accomplished and how fast. Your influence on my life has been great and I hope we will meet again.

With Thanksgiving next week and the holiday season upon us, my challenge to you during this extremely busy time of year, is too:

Slow down, listen and be present for someone else

Maybe it’s just putting your phone down and building a gingerbread house with your kids.

Or its volunteering for one of the many wonderful organizations in town and giving back to a community that’s given to you.

Or simply treating a friend or spouse to meal to let them know they are valued and loved.

 Although my attempt at the Real Driver’s License ID was unsuccessful what I gained money cannot buy.

 -Maleah-